When I, a woman, read the talks given to the priesthood holders I try to think of how what is said applies to me as a member of the church and a member of Relief Society. This week I felt drawn to what Elder Anthony D. Perkins said in his talk Beware Concerning Yourselves.
He told a story of driving over the Rocky Mountains and noticing the guardrails and warning signs, likening them to "deep personal conversion and strong family relations to help keep us on the heavenly highway," what President Nelson called, the covenant path.
Elder Perkins reminded the brethren (and the rest of us) of six fundamental principles that deepen conversion and strengthen family.
1) Praying always opens the door for divine help to "conquer Satan."
2) Studying ancient and modern scripture connects us to God.
3) Worthily participating in ordinances prepares us to take "the Holy Spirit for [our] guide."
4) Showing genuine love is at the heart of personal conversion and family relations.
5) Obeying the law of tithing is an essential element of faith and family unity.
6) Fully living the law of chastity yields confidence to stand "in the presence of God" with the Holy Ghost as our "constant companion".
My marriage is an example of the consequences of not living these six principles. I have a holy envy of couples who do. Their lives seems to be more united, serene in the face of mortal trials, and genuinely more fun, free of the strife that accompanies disobedience and being unequally yoked.
I call those six principles the basic habits of righteousness--if we do those things we are so much further ahead and so much more blessed than if we neglect them and try to keep, as Elder Maxwell said so eloquently, a summer home in Babylon.
I hope that someday I'll be worthy of the blessing of being equally yoked with a priesthood holder who lives those six basic principles.
My husband and I speak different love languages. His language is Words of Affirmation, and mine is Acts of Service. To me talk is cheap, unless followed by action. He feels neglected if I don't speak my feelings, not seeing all of my actions as expressions of love. We struggle to communicate.
President Uchtdorf said, "True love requires action. We can speak of love all day long--we can write notes or poems that proclaim it, sing songs that praise it, and preach sermons that encourage it--but until we manifest that love in action, our words are nothing but 'sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.' . . . Christ did not just speak about love, He showed it each day of His life."
I think we need to become multi-lingual in love languages but if we are following the example of our Savior, acts of service, which is a form of gift giving (another love language), can express love in practical, measurable, demonstrable ways.
Service is usually not convenient, easy, or quick. It can be, but the most meaningful service often takes thought and preparation, or is terribly inconvenient. I think that is why we are encouraged to visit each other as part of ministering. By spending time with you in your home I can see, hear, and discern needs or wants. Our son James was especially good at that. He paid attention to what I would casually mention in conversation, and the next holiday (Christmas, birthday, Mother's Day) I'd get the very thing I'd mentioned. I miss him! He listened, and at every meal he ate at my house after he'd left home, he would help clear the table and then help with doing the dishes. His love language seemed to be Service and Gifts too. At least he learned those languages and spoke them fluently.
The Primary song, "I'm trying to be like Jesus" is instructive of what we're striving for, to show kindness is all that we do and say. President Nelson's call for peacemakers is another way to show love and be like the Savior. It all fits together.
This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey.This week covers the General Relief Society session of the October 2006conference.
When I was about nine or ten I went in to my parent's bedroom to say goodnight to them. I hugged my mother and said goodnight then walked around the bed to my father. Before I could lean toward him to give him a hug he said, "I don't want a hug from a naughty girl like you." I was so taken aback that I couldn't say anything and simply left the room with an aching heart and a vow to never give him a hug ever again. And I didn't, until I was about eighteen. I don't remember what I did to be called naughty, it was probably teasing my younger brother or something similar. My father was a good man, committed to the Gospel, but he had a hard time giving grace, being merciful and would withhold his love if he felt I wasn't worthy. That affected my life for a very long time.
Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, (who hugged me the first and only time she ever met me!) said, "Feeling His love encourages us to press forward, reassures us that we are His, and confirms to us that He cherishes us even when we stumble and experience temporary setbacks."
At a time when my marriage was on the rocks and I was struggling to meet the demands of five young children I went into my closet, knelt down and poured out my heart to God. I said I just want to feel loved. Immediately I felt the warmth and strength of His love enveloping me from head to toe. It was a sacred, phenomenal moment.
". . . women need to feel the Lord's love in their lives daily." After my experience feeling my Heavenly Father's love once I could recall that feeling whenever I needed a renewal and reassurance. He is the only one who has never let me down, left me disappointed, or caused me pain.
"Our Heavenly Father loved us before we came to this earth. I know that He loves us, sisters, as does His Son, Jesus Christ. That love will never change--it is constant. You can rely on it. We can trust it."
The most important thing I've learned is that I don't have to be perfect to be worthy of His love. He wants me to keep improving and progressing, but He loves me every step and misstep of the way.
"We must acknowledge that perfection is a process. This is a gospel of eternal progress, and we must remember to appreciate the journey. Eternal means 'without beginning or end,' so the encircling of His love is there for us every day."
In August I had another good experience feeling my Father's love, in my journal I recorded, "Last night I paused in my prayer to listen and cry. I think the Spirit said to me, 'Give yourself grace, you've had a hard life. Don't give up now.' That felt so merciful to me."
"Do you feel the Lord's love in your life? How I feel His love may be different from how you experience it. The key is to come to understand how you feel that love. And once you've felt it, be willing to share it."
The more I study the scriptures and General Conference talks the more I feel loved. The more I notice nature around me such as the colors, sounds, smells, etc. the more I feel loved. The more obedient I am to the commandments the more I feel loved. And the more I serve others and give grace and mercy to others the more I feel loved. But even when I'm feeling disappointed and angry, feeling tired of trying, and rebellious, I STILL feel loved by a perfect, infinitely patient Father who never turns me away, welcoming me with open arms to comfort and encourage. Which in turn increases my love for Him. My goal is to share His love with others so they can feel that too.
The theme for this meeting was taken from the Mutual theme for the year, 2 Nephi 31:20, Ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.
I'll share some of my favorite quotes from each talk.
Susan W. Tanner:
Speaking of Abraham, "He did not know the outcome of that test as we know it from a historical perspective. He was walking into the unknown. Still he was steadfast. He was living on promises that the Lord would bless him. Whatever nervousness he may have felt didn't deter him from pressing forward with a steadfastness in Christ."
Isn't that how every life is? We can't see the outcome, only where we are now, hoping that the outcome will be what we want. That is why life takes trusting the Lord and following Him because of His omniscience.
"But when you keep your covenants, you will learn to more fully love those to whom you are eternally bound. Then you will also be able to extend your love beyond that circle to others."
I want to explore the connection between keeping covenants and love. I'm not very good at loving others. I tolerate others, but don't feel unconditional love for most people. I know I have to do better in this area because while I think I'm keeping my covenants, I must not be in the right way, because I'm not experiencing this particular fruit.
Julie B. Beck: "My mother has stayed in the Savior's path with unshaken faith in Him (see 2 Nephi 31:19) all the days of her life. She wakes up every day looking forward to new adventures. For her, life is so interesting, and she still has so much to learn."
I know a little bit about Sister Beck's mother and the challenges she faced in life. Oh how I want to be more like her in her attitude! I often wonder what it would be like to be equally yoked in marriage and if that would make a difference in my spiritual and emotional strength. Too often I feel so beaten down and exhausted by the consequences of who I chose to marry and the draining struggles of our differences.
Elaine B. Dalton: "Nephi not only had a vision of how to return to his heavenly home, but he also had a vision of what he wanted in his earthly home. The Savior will help you see and understand the vision He has for you."
My mission president told us that God's will for us could be achieved only with our full cooperation. Which I believe with all my soul. But after I'd been married for a decade I realized that now I was in a "love triangle" and it would take the cooperation of another to realize God's vision. That old unequally yoked business. But I keep working on myself so that I know I've done all I can.
President James E. Faust: "I can say without hesitation that you can have a 'perfect brightness of hope' for your future and endless joy if you 'press forward' as righteous daughters of God."
I hope he means it is never too late!
"A person who is humble is teachable."
That's what I strive to be.
"The character thus formed from self-discipline will rise with you in the Resurrection."
Good to know! It helps me keep going.
"Remember that you and the Church will be judged in part by your cleanliness and neatness in appearance."
In the Doctrine and Covenants section 42:40 is the phrase '. . . let all thy garments be plain, and their beauty the beauty of the work of thine own hands.' I believe that "plain" doesn't mean unadorned or dowdy, rather it means clear, unmistakable, obvious, as in it is plain that we are covenant people, followers of Jesus Christ. And when the fashions of the world are not compatible with our covenants, then we make our own clothing and set our own style and fashion. If we say to the world that we are virtuous followers of Jesus, but dress like the world, doesn't that make for confusion? We are called to be different from the world to attract those who are seeking purity, virtue, and relief from the evils of the world.
"Grace is a God-given virtue. It is a disposition to be kind and to do good. . . . Charm is attractiveness which comes from a feeling of personal dignity, an inner beauty that comes from a feeling of self-worth."
Too many times in my life I lack both grace and charm. Sad to admit. But I'm working on it.
"It may be that your most significant, everlasting achievements will be your righteous influence on others, that your divine feminine inner beauty and intuition will find expression in your quiet strength, gentleness, dignity, charm, graciousness, creativity, sensitivity, radiance, and spirituality. Enhance these sublime feminine gifts. They will make you appealing and even irresistible as you serve others as the handmaidens of God."
Still at age 66 (December 30), that's my goal. At my funeral I want to be remembered as a women like President Faust describes. I'd better to get work!
And I looked and beheld the virgin again, bearing a child in her arms. And the angel said unto me: Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! . . . And I looked and I beheld the Son of God going forth among the children of men; and I saw many fall down at his feet and worship him. 1 Nephi 11:20,21,24
Wrapped in My Mother's Love
by Bonnie Danielson
When I was about three or four years old, my mother was the ward Relief Society President. Part of her responsibility, it seemed, was to always have a quilt in progress in our home. Sisters would filter in and out of our basement at any given time to quilt for a while. Often my mother would thread a needle for me and let me "quilt" with the sisters (my clumsy stitches were patiently removed when I was not around). I relished these moments and learned at a young age to love the quilting bee and the Relief Society.
My mother died suddenly when I was only five. It wasn't until years later that I found she had left me a great gift of love. The Christmas of my nineteenth year is one I will always remember, for that was when I received this most precious gift from my mother, although she had passed away fourteen years before.
Unbeknownst to me, before my mother died she had pieced together two special quilts from swatches of fabric, one for my older brother and one for me. Unfortunately, she passed away before they could be completed.
When I turned nineteen, my older sister felt it was time to complete the quilts for my brother and me and asked a ward Relief Society to finish them. These sisters sewed the intricate stitches without knowing how much it would have pleased my mother. When I received the quilt on Christmas Day, I loved the gift with all my heart, but I had no idea how much more it would yet come to mean to me.
Years went by, and I married and started a family of my own. I kept my quilt wrapped in a plastic bag in a drawer for fear something would happen to it. One day I took it out and was carefully admiring it when one of my little boys came into the room and asked where I got the quilt. I explained to him that his Grandma Brown had made the quilt for me before she died. "Who is Grandma Brown?" my young son asked.
How it pained me that my children had never known the mother whom I cherished, that she was not able to put her arms around them and tell them she loved them in her tender, gentle way. I explained to my son once again that Grandma Brown, my mother, was someone special in heaven who loved him. "Why do you have that quilt, Mommy? he asked.
Suddenly it came to me. I knew exactly why I had the quilt. I unfolded it and wrapped it around his little body. "I have this quilt so Grandma Brown can give you hugs even though she is in heaven," I said.
A big smile spread across his face, and I could see that this was the best answer I could have given him. Since that time the quilt has made its way out of the drawer much more often. Whenever a family member is hurt, sad, or in need of extra love, the quilt is a great source of comfort. To me, it is still the greatest gift I could ask for. I love touching the quilt, knowing my mother's hands have touched it also.
Many years have passed, and I can now quilt correctly. My sisters and I have spent many hours around quilting frames talking about our mother. Since I am the youngest, my sisters tell me stories about her to help me know her better. Yet no matter how many stories I hear, nothing has helped me or my children turn our hearts to my mother more than the quilt I got for Christmas the year I turned nineteen.
The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness, Prepare ye the way of the Lord, Make straight in the desert a highway for our God. Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill shall be made low: and the crooked shall be made straight, ad the rough places plain: And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed. . . . Micah 5:2
A Brother Like That
Especially for Mormons, Vol. 2
Paul received a new car from his brother as a pre-Christmas present. On Christmas Eve when Paul came out of his office, a street urchin was walking around the shiny new car, admiring it.
"Is this your car, mister?" he asked.
Paul nodded. "My brother gave it to me for Christmas."
The boy looked astounded. "You mean your brother gave it to you, and it didn't cost you anything? Gosh, I wish. . ."
He hesitated, and Paul knew what he was going to wish. He was going to wish he had a brother like that. But what the lad said jarred Paul all the way down to his heels.
I wish," the boy went on, "that I could be a brother like that."
Paul looked at the boy in astonishment; then impulsively added. "Would you like a ride in my new car?"
"Oh yes, I'd love that!"
After a short ride, he turned, with his eyes aglow and said, "Mister, would you mind driving in front of my house?"
Paul smiled a little. He thought he knew what the lad wanted. He wanted to show his neighbors that he could ride home in a big automobile. But Paul was wrong again.
"Will you stop right where those steps are?" the boy asked. He ran up the steps. Then in a little while Paul heard him coming back, but he was not coming fast. He was carrying his little polio-crippled brother. He sat down on the bottom step, then sort of squeezed up right against him and pointed at the car.
"There she is, Buddy, just like I told you upstairs. His brother gave it to him for Christmas, and it didn't cost him a cent, and someday I'm gonna give you one just like it: then you can see for yourself all the pretty things in the Christmas windows that I have been trying to tell you about."
Paul got out and lifted the little lad into the front seat of his car. The shining-eyed older brother climbed in beside him and the three of them began a memorable holiday ride.
That Christmas Eve, Paul learned what Jesus meant when He said "It is more blessed to give. . ."
Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, that I will raise unto David a righteous Branch, and a King shall reign and prosper, and shall execute judgment and justice in the earth.
Jeremiah 23:5
Stockings Filled with Love
by Henry Copier
I chuckled to myself as I picked up one of the seven red stockings lying nearby on my mission companion's bed. "Who are these for?" I asked, trying not to laugh.
"For the Winkle family," he responded shyly as he packed away his needle and thread.
"They're . . . really nice," I said with some apprehension. Elder Johnson and I had been assigned to serve in the town of Muskegon, Michigan. The Winkles were a choice investigator family scheduled to be baptized on Christmas Day, and in all honesty I felt sheepish delivering these cute little stockings with hand-embroidered gold lettering.
"What are you going to stuff them with?" I asked.
Somewhat surprised at my question, he looked around the room at the oversupply of goodies we had received from home and replied, "Candy--what else?" Then in a more serious tone he added, "I was hoping that we could also include in each stocking a personal Christmas wish and our own written testimonies."
Still feeling uneasy with this idea, I nevertheless decided to go along with it for fear of offending my creative companion. Our month had been filled with preparing this family for baptism, and now the day of their interviews had arrived at last, Christmas Eve. Everything was ready, or so we thought.
Arriving at the Winkle home, we immediately sensed something was wrong. As I interviewed Brother Winkle privately, he told me that the children had been quarreling all morning and that everyone in the family was on edge. Some of the older children had even expressed doubts about being baptized. Upon returning to the family we encountered negative feelings.
"Elder Copier, this baptism has caused a lot of concern in our family," said Sister Winkle, "and I'm
not sure we should go through with it if it's going to cause so much contention."
After spending a few more minutes discussing the problem, we decided together that we should postpone the baptism until the family could feel better about it. To give the family time to sort out their feelings, Brother Winkle asked us not to return unless he contacted us.
With heavy hearts and deep concern we slowly walked home. Our apartment seemed quiet and gloomy that Christmas Eve. Hours passed as we sat in silent depression. Finally Elder Johnson broke the silence as he pulled out the paper bag filled with the stockings and candy.
"Do you suppose we could leave these at their home anyway?" he asked quietly. Numbly I nodded, and instantly the gloom turned to cheerfulness as we spent the rest of that Christmas Eve writing our testimonies for each member of the family and stuffing them in the little red stockings.
As we approached the Winkle home that chilly dark evening, Elder Johnson asked, "Should I knock?"
"No, let's just leave it by the door," I suggested. I did not want to cause any problem with the family.
Elder Johnson slipped the brown paper bag inside the screen door. Quietly we turned away and headed for home. How difficult it was for two young, inexperienced elders who loved a family so dearly to simply walk away. Snowflakes began to fall and we knew it was going to be a while Christmas.
We were awakened the next morning by the sound of snow shovels and the voices of children outside our window. "Merry Christmas, elders!" the Winkle children called to us as we opened our door. "We wanted to shovel your walks for you and also tell you that our whole family is ready to be baptized. Our parents want to know if you can come over right away!"
We dressed and ran to the Winkle home. Sister Winkle greeted us warmly and apologized for all that had happened the day before. "Baptism is such a big step in our lives." She paused, then pointed to the seven red stockings hanging by the fireplace. "Those," she said with emotion, "are what took away our fears and doubts. You see, elders, I was so touched by the love you showed our family yesterday--despite the way we acted--that I just couldn't put it out of my mind. I finally said a silent prayer and asked the Lord to let me know, just one more time, if the message you brought was true. As I prayed, I said, 'Heavenly Father, if the elders are really thy messengers, send them back today even though we asked them not to return.'
"Well, hours passed, and I kept hoping you would come, but you did not. At midnight I gave up hope and decided that my answer was that I shouldn't get baptized. It was then I went to turn off the porch light and noticed the brown bag in the screen door. When I opened it and realized it was from you, I began to cry. You had come back. I woke up the family, and together we read your testimonies and Christmas wishes. We shared a spirit of love and unity unlike anything we had known before and we knew it was time to be baptized."
The chapel's entire front row was filled with Winkles dressed in white baptismal clothing that Christmas Day. It was indeed a very white Christmas.
Our son JET has begun to attend church again after several years of "vacation". I was wondering, out loud, to my husband about why this change in attitude. What actually came out of my mouth was a profound lesson to me. I said something like "I think that my showing interest in the things that are important to him, like going to the car show and getting excited about cars in general helped him know that I love him for who he is; and when he felt safe in my love he decided that he could return to church." JET has long felt that he didn't measure up to the spiritual stature of his older brother, and that I loved him less because of that. NOT TRUE! But maybe now he really does feel I love him for himself, which is totally true, and therefore he can return to church. Whatever the reason, I'm pleased, but I don't love him more, because I never loved him less.
It gives me a glimpse into the heart of Heavenly Father and the Savior.
