Trial of Your Faith

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday afternoon session of the October 2012 General Conference.

Thursday morning I got a call from the nurse at the school where my husband teaches asking me to come pick him up. He had passed out in class and wasn't feeling well. A few minutes later, before I had a chance to leave, the nurse called back saying that EMT's were transporting him to a hospital. When I arrived at the hospital he was already in the Catheterization Lab having a procedure done. I was taken into a private room to wait for the doctor to talk to me. A cardiologist came in to explain that they had found he had four major arteries blocked anywhere from 70-90%. They wanted to do open heart surgery and a quadruple bypass. Another doctor, a cardiac surgeon, came in to explain all of that to me. I broke down into tears at the enormity of the situation. 

The surgeon decided to do one more test of his heart function to make sure he would survive the surgery and found that his heart function was less than the 25% threshold. It was decided that they would attempt other means to open the blockages--stents and balloons. The doctor was able to open three arteries and left the fourth for later. Sometime during all this my husband had a mini-stroke that affected only his left leg. He will have to go to Rehab for therapy before he can come home.

Clearing all the blockages didn't completely cure the Ventricular Tachycardia or V-tach, so he'll have to have a defibrillator implanted before he leaves the hospital. Oh yay.

This has been a hard week. It is not exactly a trial of my faith in Jesus Christ, but it is sure a trial of my strength and endurance, so Elder Neil L. Andersen's talk was especially pertinent to me.

How do you remain "steadfast and immovable" during a trial of faith? You immerse yourself in the very things that helped build your core of faith: you exercise faith in Christ, you pray, you ponder the scriptures, you repent, you keep the commandments, and you serve others. . . . It is within the sanctuary of the Church that we protect our faith. Meeting together with others who believe, we pray and find answers to our prayers; we worship through music, share testimony of the Savior, serve one another, and feel the Spirit of the Lord.

I went to church on Sunday because I wanted to thank the Saints for their prayers and to bear testimony of the goodness and tender mercies of God.

In the footnotes of Elder Andersen's talk is a quote from President George Q. Cannon that resonated with me:

No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not in His character. He is an unchangeable being; the same yesterday, the same today, and He will be the same throughout the eternal ages to come. We have found that God. We have made Him our friend, by obeying His Gospel; and He will stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we will not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them, if we only trust in our God and keep His commandments.

I'm doing my best to do so. I must have some fairly rough edges to polish off, or tarnished bits to polish up before I pass my mortal test because the trials just keep coming! But I refuse to give in or give up. I want to prove faithful and endure to the end.

 

 

I Know That My Redeemer Lives!

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday morning session of the October 2012 General Conference.

Reading and listening to Elder Shayne M. Bowen tell about his feelings after the death of their young son brought back all the terrible and tender feelings I've had following the death of our adult son.

I was given to know that I had not been robbed but rather that there was a great blessing awaiting me if I would prove faithful.

At one point I cried out to God, "Why didn't I get a miracle?" of intervention. The Spirit whispered back to me "It was more merciful not to intervene because he was on a road to destruction." At that moment I could feel Our Father's great love for James, as well as for me. God's omniscience allows Him to see the end from the beginning, so when He says He was being merciful I believe Him.

The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don't end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified.

I've wondered if James, from the other side, will have more influence on his wayward brothers than he ever would have while here. I hope so. He loves his brothers, and they love him!

I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost.

It's true! I still have moments when the pain of loss seems unbearable, when I'm so lonely for my precious son that I feel I can't go on. Then the sweet refrain, learned sixty years ago in Primary echos in my mind, "I know that my Redeemer lives; what comfort this sweet sentence gives!"  My adversity and afflictions will last but a small moment, and if I endure it well, I'll be reunited with our son and have a fullness of joy. 

 

 

I Am Not Alone

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning session of the April 2009 conference.

Many years ago with five young children I felt overwhelming loneliness because my marriage was falling apart, I lived across the country from other family members and I didn't have close friends around me. One day I couldn't cope any longer. While the children were busy playing I went into my small walk-in closet, knelt down and poured out my heart to God. I asked to feel loved and understood. Immediately I felt strong, warm arms around me, enveloping me in a loving embrace that comforted me and was so real I began to weep.

Almost thirty years later I can still call to mind that glorious feeling of being loved, understood, and not alone.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”

What else do we need?

Comforting Voices

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday afternoon session of the October 2000 conference.

Listening to this session of conference was comforting to me during a week of personal upheaval. Just hearing the voices, some familiar, others not, comforted my churned up heart. It didn't matter what the subject, comforting as each was, it was the voices of calm, loving men speaking words of wisdom and encouragement that was most comforting.

President Boyd K. Packer's gravelly voice spoke of much needed truths about the sacredness of our bodies, which would heal so many if his counsel was heeded today. "There is in your body the supernal power to create life. Boys grow up to be men and may become fathers; girls grow up to be women and may become mothers. Natural and good feelings draw men and women together." Not at all what current, strident voices want us to believe. The world needs prophets and apostles more than ever!

I appreciated Elder H. Aldridge Gillespie's talk on The Blessings of Keeping the Sabbath Day Holy. It was a good reminder to refrain from worldly pursuits, and to be more active doing the Lord's work on His day. This has always been a struggle in our family because my husband was raised in a different faith, and was not associated with any faith when we met and married. Old habits die hard when there is no understanding of a gospel principle and little commitment to change. It was good to hear another testimony!

Elder Robert C. Oaks' talk on Sharing the Gospel hit a nerve with me. I live a fairly secluded life. I don't "go to work" ever, our children are all grown so I don't have a reason to meet with any other parents. I'm not a member of any organization or group other than church. I've tried to be active in the community, but nothing seems to work for me and I haven't been able to make any friends in our town. Sharing the gospel is difficult when I don't know any non-members. That's not a good excuse though, and I need to find a way that is normal and natural to me. This talk was a good reminder to seek the Spirit to help me.