Faith in the Atonement Through Our Mortal Adversities

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the General Relief Society Meeting of the October 2012 General Conference.

The addresses from the three members of the General Relief Society presidency touched my heart because they spoke of things that have strengthened me through my "classes" in this mortal boarding school.

Sister Linda K. Burton spoke of having faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ written in our hearts. I can never speak of the Savior without tearing up because I love Him and am so grateful for His mercy, grace and love. What is most amazing to me is that He loves me back, especially when I'm most unloveable. He never turns me away, and more than once I have felt His warm, strong arms around me in times of despair. I'm so grateful to be yoked with Him through covenants to journey through life.

Sister Burton said, "That supreme act of love ought to send each of us to our knees in humble prayer to thank our Heavenly Father for loving us enough that He sent His Only Begotten and perfect Son to suffer for our sins, our heartaches, and all that seems unfair in our own individual lives."

And it does!

Sister Carole M. Stephens talked about being "awake to our duty and continue with faith as we draw upon the comforting, strengthening, enabling, and healing power of the Atonement." For a long time after our son's death I felt like I was asleep, just going through the motions of living. I wanted to wake up but didn't know how to jumpstart my spirit and get going again. It didn't help that I didn't have a busy calling in the branch. I had too much time to be alone and lonely. Sister Stephens asked, "Have our hearts become gradually hardened as we have allowed too much of the noise of the world to distract us from the gentle promptings that have surely come from the Spirit?" I think that challenging circumstances can distract us too. Grief is such a hard thing to navigate for the grieving as well as family and friends. Again, Sister Stephens, "Each of us has had and will continue to have adversity in our lives. This mortal life is a time of testing, and we will continue to have opportunities to use our agency to choose what we will learn from the adversity that will surely come."

One thing I have learned from my adversity is to offer to serve in specific ways. Think hard and listen to promptings, then go and do. It is frustrating to hear over and over again, "Call me if you need anything." I feel as awkward calling you to ask for a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on as you probably do asking if you can come do my dishes or laundry. But if you offer something specific I would feel more comfortable saying, well, that's not what I need, but could you do this?

Sister Linda S. Reeves closed out her talk with this testimony, "That is our charge. We must feel and see for ourselves and then help all of Heavenly Father's children to feel and see and know that our Savior has taken upon Himself not only all our sins but also our pains and our suffering and afflictions so that He can know what we feel and how to comfort us." 

Another thing I have learned from my adversity is that I ought to leave my burdens with the Savior to carry, and then do more to serve others. There is always someone who is worse off than me. Serving others truly is a way to forget our troubles. It can be as simple as expressing gratitude for the service of others to me. Expressing gratitude is so important!

I miss the Relief Society sessions. I'm thankful for the technology that allows me to hear and read them over again. They feed my soul.

Becoming a True Disciple - Converted Unto the Lord

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday afternoon session of the October 2012 General Conference.

The talks by Elder Daniel L. Johnson of the Seventy, and Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve, seemed to me to go hand in hand. 

Elder Johnson said, "Making the covenant to be a disciple of Christ is the beginning of a lifelong process, and the path is not always easy."

Elder Bednar said, "True conversion brings a change in one's beliefs, heart, and life to accept and conform to the will of God (see Acts 3:19, 3 Nephi 9:20) and includes a conscious commitment to become a disciple of Christ."

Elder Johnson - "Becoming like Him and being one with Him is the ultimate goal and objective--and essentially the very definition of true discipleship." He quotes his grandson Benjamin, "Being a disciple of Jesus Christ means being an example. It means being a missionary. It means to serve others. It means you read the scriptures and say your prayers. It means you keep the Sabbath day holy. It means you listen to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. It means going to church and going to the temple." Then he says, "I agree with Benjamin. Discipleship is all about doing and becoming."

Elder Bednar - "[T]he key characteristics associated with conversion are experiencing a mighty change in our hearts, having a disposition to do good continually, going forward in the path of duty, walking circumspectly before God, keeping the commandments, and serving with unwearied diligence. . . . For many of us conversion is an ongoing process and not a onetime event . . ." 

Having gone through some really hard challenges in recent years, and days, I've been told that I am a strong woman. I don't feel strong most of the time. As I pondered this compliment to me I realized that I'm not strong at all, but I am yoked with my Savior and He is strong! He is my strength. I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me, as Paul said. (Philippians 4:13) I'm trying to be a faithful disciple. Sometimes I'm just going through the motions, but my mission president taught us that we should always be where we are supposed to be, doing what we are supposed to be doing and our spirit will catch up to where our body is. I know that is true. Sometimes the catch up is quick, sometimes it is long in coming. But I must continue to press forward with steadfastness in Christ, as Nephi said (2 Nephi 31:20), because it is by doing that we become.

It's so hard to look at ourselves and determine our progress and standing, mostly because we tend to be our worst critics. Which is why I don't think of myself as a "strong woman". Until I hear it from someone else, or pray about it (my standing before the Lord) and realize that I'm on the right path and making progress toward the "promised land".

Life is hard! It's meant to be because it is a test of our faith and obedience. In my own mind I liken it to a handcart trek across the plains. When hard things happen what is the alternative to continuing? I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I can't just sit down and wait for things to get better, because they never really do. Oh, there's a pretty sunset, or maybe a wildflower to see once in a while, but the trek is fraught with trials of all kinds and I just have to pass through them to get to the other side of them. The trials won't be taken away, no matter how much I beg (which I've long ago stopped asking for), rather I pray for strength and help to make it through them, often daily! 

In recent months and through the latest trial I've asked myself if I'm becoming more like Jesus. I want to and I try, but I feel so weak and far from being the person I want to be. I'm so grateful for the Savior! He truly is the one who saves me, redeems me and succors me. My love and gratitude for Him is what keeps me going. I trust His words that the greatest gift is eternal life and I want to prove worthy of that gift.

The Basic Habits of Righteousness Never Change

 

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood session of the October 2012 General Conference.

When I, a woman, read the talks given to the priesthood holders I try to think of how what is said applies to me as a member of the church and a member of Relief Society. This week I felt drawn to what Elder Anthony D. Perkins said in his talk Beware Concerning Yourselves.

He told a story of driving over the Rocky Mountains and noticing the guardrails and warning signs, likening them to "deep personal conversion and strong family relations to help keep us on the heavenly highway," what President Nelson called, the covenant path.

Elder Perkins reminded the brethren (and the rest of us) of six fundamental principles that deepen conversion and strengthen family.

1) Praying always opens the door for divine help to "conquer Satan."

2) Studying ancient and modern scripture connects us to God.

3) Worthily participating in ordinances prepares us to take "the Holy Spirit for [our] guide."

4) Showing genuine love is at the heart of personal conversion and family relations.

5) Obeying the law of tithing is an essential element of faith and family unity.

6) Fully living the law of chastity yields confidence to stand "in the presence of God" with the Holy Ghost as our "constant companion".

My marriage is an example of the consequences of not living these six principles. I have a holy envy of couples who do. Their lives seems to be more united, serene in the face of mortal trials, and genuinely more fun, free of the strife that accompanies disobedience and being unequally yoked.

I call those six principles the basic habits of righteousness--if we do those things we are so much further ahead and so much more blessed than if we neglect them and try to keep, as Elder Maxwell said so eloquently, a summer home in Babylon.

I hope that someday I'll be worthy of the blessing of being equally yoked with a priesthood holder who lives those six basic principles.

Trial of Your Faith

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday afternoon session of the October 2012 General Conference.

Thursday morning I got a call from the nurse at the school where my husband teaches asking me to come pick him up. He had passed out in class and wasn't feeling well. A few minutes later, before I had a chance to leave, the nurse called back saying that EMT's were transporting him to a hospital. When I arrived at the hospital he was already in the Catheterization Lab having a procedure done. I was taken into a private room to wait for the doctor to talk to me. A cardiologist came in to explain that they had found he had four major arteries blocked anywhere from 70-90%. They wanted to do open heart surgery and a quadruple bypass. Another doctor, a cardiac surgeon, came in to explain all of that to me. I broke down into tears at the enormity of the situation. 

The surgeon decided to do one more test of his heart function to make sure he would survive the surgery and found that his heart function was less than the 25% threshold. It was decided that they would attempt other means to open the blockages--stents and balloons. The doctor was able to open three arteries and left the fourth for later. Sometime during all this my husband had a mini-stroke that affected only his left leg. He will have to go to Rehab for therapy before he can come home.

Clearing all the blockages didn't completely cure the Ventricular Tachycardia or V-tach, so he'll have to have a defibrillator implanted before he leaves the hospital. Oh yay.

This has been a hard week. It is not exactly a trial of my faith in Jesus Christ, but it is sure a trial of my strength and endurance, so Elder Neil L. Andersen's talk was especially pertinent to me.

How do you remain "steadfast and immovable" during a trial of faith? You immerse yourself in the very things that helped build your core of faith: you exercise faith in Christ, you pray, you ponder the scriptures, you repent, you keep the commandments, and you serve others. . . . It is within the sanctuary of the Church that we protect our faith. Meeting together with others who believe, we pray and find answers to our prayers; we worship through music, share testimony of the Savior, serve one another, and feel the Spirit of the Lord.

I went to church on Sunday because I wanted to thank the Saints for their prayers and to bear testimony of the goodness and tender mercies of God.

In the footnotes of Elder Andersen's talk is a quote from President George Q. Cannon that resonated with me:

No matter how serious the trial, how deep the distress, how great the affliction, [God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not in His character. He is an unchangeable being; the same yesterday, the same today, and He will be the same throughout the eternal ages to come. We have found that God. We have made Him our friend, by obeying His Gospel; and He will stand by us. We may pass through the fiery furnace; we may pass through deep waters; but we will not be consumed nor overwhelmed. We shall emerge from all these trials and difficulties the better and purer for them, if we only trust in our God and keep His commandments.

I'm doing my best to do so. I must have some fairly rough edges to polish off, or tarnished bits to polish up before I pass my mortal test because the trials just keep coming! But I refuse to give in or give up. I want to prove faithful and endure to the end.

 

 

I Know That My Redeemer Lives!

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday morning session of the October 2012 General Conference.

Reading and listening to Elder Shayne M. Bowen tell about his feelings after the death of their young son brought back all the terrible and tender feelings I've had following the death of our adult son.

I was given to know that I had not been robbed but rather that there was a great blessing awaiting me if I would prove faithful.

At one point I cried out to God, "Why didn't I get a miracle?" of intervention. The Spirit whispered back to me "It was more merciful not to intervene because he was on a road to destruction." At that moment I could feel Our Father's great love for James, as well as for me. God's omniscience allows Him to see the end from the beginning, so when He says He was being merciful I believe Him.

The same feelings of loyalty, love, and family unity don't end as our loved ones pass to the other side; instead, those feelings are intensified.

I've wondered if James, from the other side, will have more influence on his wayward brothers than he ever would have while here. I hope so. He loves his brothers, and they love him!

I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost.

It's true! I still have moments when the pain of loss seems unbearable, when I'm so lonely for my precious son that I feel I can't go on. Then the sweet refrain, learned sixty years ago in Primary echos in my mind, "I know that my Redeemer lives; what comfort this sweet sentence gives!"  My adversity and afflictions will last but a small moment, and if I endure it well, I'll be reunited with our son and have a fullness of joy.