Poignant Pain

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood session of the April 2003 conference.

I have come to a greater understanding of why some women hate church on Mother's Day. It is painful to be at church on a day when the very thing you want and have been denied is celebrated. Of course, Mother's Day is on the calendar and well known ahead of time so a person can choose to make other plans for that day. I often get blindsided by Sacrament meeting talks by departing missionaries, returning missionaries, serving missionaries or parents reporting on their missionaries. It reminds me of my failures and missed blessings, all rather painful.

This particular Priesthood session was much the same, all about missionaries. When the talks were given my four boys were still young and I was still full of hope and faith that they would all serve and I would be surrounded by priesthood power. This time around was much more painful and poignant.

Elder Daryl H. Garn spoke of the example of a particular returned missionary. "Because of his example I began looking at my associates at school, including those on the basketball team, and realized that the people I most wanted to be like were those who had served missions." I have found that the youth in the rural Midwest miss out on those examples and associations because all the returned missionaries arrive, report their missions, and quickly leave again to go to school in the Utah/Idaho area. There were no examples, mentors or friends to guide or encourage our sons. I'm not sure what the answer is, but hopefully the FSY conferences will help. (We were too poor to send our children to EFY.)

Bishop H. David Burton said, "Our bishops serve as personal trainers and use their sacred priesthood keys to bless our lives." I thought, well, only if they don't work four hours away in another state and are home only on weekends. When our son needed a strong priesthood leader to guide him through the repentance process, all he got were a few texts each week, never face to face time exploring the scriptures or conference talks together, no time serving, working or playing together. Our son missed out on help at a critical time and never truly recovered. (And what seemed especially strange to us was that the branch president never spoke to us about what we could do to help our son, even when we asked.)

President James E. Faust spoke of staying out of The Devil's Throat. 

My dear young friends, there is another great truth that you young men must learn. It is that everything has a price. There is a price to pay for success, fulfillment, accomplishment, and joy. There are no freebies. If you don't pay the price that is needed for success, you will pay the price of failure.

I can't completely blame others for the failures in our family. We all have agency and made choices without seeing the long-term effects and consequences. These are painful lessons to learn. I wonder what I would say to the me of 2003 if I could go back in time. Or the me of 1980 when I was a freshly returned missionary. 

I take hope from President Thomas S. Monson's talk in which he said, ". . . I share the observation that the seeds of testimony frequently do not immediately take root and flower. Bread cast upon the water returns, at times, only after many days. But it does return." I have hope that someday my wandering sons will return to the teachings planted in their hearts in their childhood and youth by a loving mother.

Timeless Counsel and Encouragement

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday morning session of the October 1996 conference.

Elder Faust's talk, "Woman, Why Weepest Thou?" was perfect for the Easter season. His faith and kindness comes through when he says, "I believe the kind and merciful God, whose children we are, will judge us as lightly as He can for the wrongs that we have done and give us the maximum blessing for the good that we do."  Then Elder Faust goes on to say, "To remain true and faithful through this mortal vale of tears, we must love God with all our heart, might, mind, and strength and love our neighbors as ourselves." And adds, "As we go though travail and difficulty, we may feel sorry for ourselves and despair, but with the love of Hod and the Saints, unitedly bearing each other's burdens, we can be happy and overcome evil." What more could we ask for as encouragement to keep pressing forward along the covenant path!

Elder Dallin H. Oaks spoke on the Holy Ghost, explaining the differences between "(1) the Light of Christ, (2) a manifestation of the Holy Ghost, and (3) the gift of the Holy Ghost."  When he explained what a manifestation of the Holy Ghost is he said they are given "to lead sincere seekers to gospel truths that will persuade them to repentance and baptism." 

This was echoed in the next address by Bishop Richard C. Edgley (2nd C) when speaking of missionaries he said, "They testify of a restoration that is so marvelous that only the hand of God could be its author--so miraculous that is can only be believed if one understands the powers of God and His love for all mankind--a story so divine that the truth of it can only be truly accepted through the personal manifestation of the Holy Ghost, which the Savior promised as His way of testifying of the truth to those who prayerfully seek it."

I love seeing patterns and second witnesses in both the scriptures and conference talks. That these occurred in successive talks in one session is a testimony that they are inspired!

Elder Hales spoke of the eternal family. His address could have been given at the last conference. He said, "The fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ brings great comfort in stressful times in mortality. It brings light where there is darkness and a calming influence where there is turmoil. It gives eternal hope where there is mortal despair. It is more than just beautiful doctrine. It is a reality in our lives that if we can be obedient and obtain the eternal rewards that God grants us, if we will draw nigh unto Him and embrace the eternal doctrine, we will be blessed." Oh how we need these reassurances today!

President Hinckley spoke to the women of the church reminding us that "The greatest job that an mother will ever do will be nurturing, teaching, lifting, encouraging, and rearing her children in righteousness and truth." I needed to hear that at the time as I had just had our fourth child and was in the throes of family life, with a fifth to come not quite two years later. I remember a particularly harrowing day when I said to my children, "You're interrupting my work!" The Spirit spoke immediately to my mind saying, "These children are your work!" Oh, right, I forgot. 

It never ceases to amaze and delight me to read past conferences and remember anew how timeless the truths of the Gospel of Jesus Christ are, and how prophetic and pertinent the counsel is from the past.

Marilyn over at Light in Leaves has more General Conference Odyssey.

It Came Upon A Midnight Clear

Advent - Day 7

. . . Behold the glory of the King of all the earth; and also the King of heaven shall very soon shine forth among all the children of men.
                                                                   Alma 5:50

My Last Christmas in the Mission

By Julio Cesar Sonoda

It was my last Christmas in the Brazil Rio de Janeiro North Mission. I would soon be returning home, and I was happy about the Christmas season. My companion, Elder Barney, was an American who had been in Brazil for only a short time. He was fighting homesickness.

We had been working hard, but we still weren't sure how to celebrate Christmas. We hoped a family would invite us to spend Christmas with them, and eventually one family did. However, I wondered about some of the other missionaries in our area. On our next trip to Vitoria, my companion and I learned that Elder Jones and Elder Junot didn't have any Christmas plans. I thought, These elders are my family while I'm on my mission. We can't leave them alone on Christmas. The four of us decided we would spend Christmas together.

We made plans for a special dinner on Christmas Eve. Although we didn't have much money, we felt the Lord would bless us.

On Christmas Eve I recorded my feelings in my journal: "Today is the twenty-fourth of December. It has rained a lot, and I see that my companion is sadder. He says he misses the symbols of Christmas he is used to seeing in his country--snow, music, trees, and decorations. I can imagine how hard his Christmas will be since he is so far away from his family, his people, and his customs. The rain continues to fall, but it is lighter now."

Looking at my companion I sensed his homesickness and wanted him to be happy.

On the bus trip to Vitoria we could see people hurrying to make their Christmas purchases. We went by a house illuminated with colored lights. Children played in the gardens. Tears filled my eyes, and I could not speak to my companion because I knew I would cry. He seemed to be crying silently. For Elder Junot, Elder Jones, and me this Christmas was our last on the mission. But it was Elder Barney's first, and I didn't know how to console him. During the trip, I cried several times, but concealed it. And my companion concealed his tears from me.

We got off the bus and went to the other missionaries' apartment. We put our money together, and Elder Juno and Elder Jones went out to make the purchases. After they returned with the food, we set the table with a white tablecloth and napkins and placed Christmas cards on it for decoration. But even this didn't seem to lift our spirits.

Seeing this, Elder Jones suggested we get out our hymnbooks and sing hymns to the Lord. We sang one, then one more and then another. And we sang louder each time. I wanted the neighborhood to hear our singing and know that we were worshiping the Lord. We started to feel the Spirit of the Lord.

After singing, Elder Jones shared a scripture about the birth of Christ. Then everyone read from the scriptures. We bore our testimonies about our Redeemer.

When Elder Barney shared his testimony, he explained, "I was missing the things that are familiar to me--the snow, the Christmas tree, the turkey, the Christmas music of my country. I forgot to be concerned about the Son of God born in a manger." We had tears in our eyes, for the Spirit testified in our hearts that we had worshiped the Creator of the day. We thanked the Lord for all He had given us.

It was my last Christmas in the mission, but it was the first true Christmas I ever spent.