Actions Speak Louder than Words

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday morning session of the April 2010 conference.

My husband and I speak different love languages. His language is Words of Affirmation, and mine is Acts of Service. To me talk is cheap, unless followed by action. He feels neglected if I don't speak my feelings, not seeing all of my actions as expressions of love. We struggle to communicate.

President Uchtdorf said, "True love requires action. We can speak of love all day long--we can write notes or poems that proclaim it, sing songs that praise it, and preach sermons that encourage it--but until we manifest that love in action, our words are nothing but 'sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.' . . . Christ did not just speak about love, He showed it each day of His life."

I think we need to become multi-lingual in love languages but if we are following the example of our Savior, acts of service, which is a form of gift giving (another love language), can express love in practical, measurable, demonstrable ways.

Service is usually not convenient, easy, or quick. It can be, but the most meaningful service often takes thought and preparation, or is terribly inconvenient. I think that is why we are encouraged to visit each other as part of ministering. By spending time with you in your home I can see, hear, and discern needs or wants. Our son James was especially good at that. He paid attention to what I would casually mention in conversation, and the next holiday (Christmas, birthday, Mother's Day) I'd get the very thing I'd mentioned. I miss him! He listened, and at every meal he ate at my house after he'd left home, he would help clear the table and then help with doing the dishes. His love language seemed to be Service and Gifts too. At least he learned those languages and spoke them fluently.

The Primary song, "I'm trying to be like Jesus" is instructive of what we're striving for, to show kindness is all that we do and say. President Nelson's call for peacemakers is another way to show love and be like the Savior. It all fits together. 

What Would Jesus Do?

25 August 2013 (from my little notebook)

I believe this is the wrong question to ask. Jesus Christ has powers and authority that I do not have. He can perceive a person's thoughts and the intents of his heart. He has power to forgive sins, heal sicknesses of all kinds, and authority to condemn the unrepentant.

On the other hand, I can't do any of those things. So I think a better question to ask myself is:

What would Jesus have me do?

What did he command His followers to do? How should I treat others? Therein lies the guide to our actions.

What's Needed

1 January 2013
It's not enough to have a testimony--even Satan and his followers know Jesus Christ. We must be fully converted to and committed to obey Jesus Christ and follow him.

2 March 2013 - From a Regional Conference
Elder Craig C. Christensen said "Conversion is a lifelong process, line upon line. True conversion transforms us as we come to follow the Savior completely. We must feed the fire of testimony." He talked of how Alma 5 is a personal interview.

A Parable

Brother Brown was sad; his wife had passed away several months ago and his home was in disarray. His lively, creative children were looking more unkempt as the days went by; the house just got dirtier. He did what he could in the evenings and on the weekends but things were just not as wonderful as when his wife was alive. So he looked around for another woman to help him. He found a school teacher, a delightful woman who loved children and homemaking; so he courted her and then married her.

The new Sister Brown enjoyed getting to know the children and after a little while began making chore assignments to all the children. Unfortunately nothing would get done, and the children came up with all kinds of excuses as to why the chores were not done. Sister Brown continued assigning chores and taking care of the grocery shopping and cooking. She was puzzled as to why the children wouldn't do their assigned chores so she talked to Brother Brown about it. They discussed the adjustments of having a new mother and he assured her that if she would just love the children they would eventually step up and do the chores. Sister Brown thought she had been loving, but redoubled her efforts and tried to be patient.

One day Sister Brown decided to get to the bottom of why the chores weren't getting done and she sat down with the youngest and after a pleasant conversation she broached the subject of chores. The youngster confessed that he really didn't know how to make his bed or clean his room because his real mom had always done it for him. Sister Brown made time for interviews with the rest of the children and found to her relief that the children weren't being rebellious about not doing the chores, they just didn't know how to do them and they didn't understand the benefits to the family if they did them.

Sister Brown began a training program immediately and helped each child learn the basics of bed making and clothes putting away, and then moved through all of the household chores. Once everyone knew he proper techniques and how to use the tools for each task the household began to run smoothly and feelings of love and unity increased in their home.

Many years later, when the children had homes of their own they were so grateful to their step-mother for showing her love by taking the time to teach them skills that would serve them all their lives. 

Mishamarries!

That is what our children called the missionaries and it has stuck. Our little branch just got a pair of missionaries after not having any for a long while. We had them over for dinner tonight.

When they introduced themselves at church and bore their testimonies the one announced that he is one of the first of the eighteen year olds. Tonight we heard the rest of the story. His family had moved from Twin Falls, Idaho to Helena, Montana last summer just before his senior year of high school. He could have stayed in Twin Falls with extended family to finish out high school, but when he prayed about it he was impressed to move with his family to Helena. There he found he could graduate mid-year and then be free to go back to Idaho to school before serving a mission. He was surprised by the announcement of the age change last October at General Conference, prayed about it and decided to graduate mid-year as planned and then immediately go on a mission.  WOW! He really is young.

What a blessing to our sons, age 16 and 14, to have him as an example and friend. We enjoyed visiting with him at dinner and found him to be articulate, personable, and valiant. Pretty impressive.

New Calling = Less Time

I haven't been posting because I've been just so busy with other things; particularly with my calling in the Branch as Relief Society President. This calling is time consuming in any unit but in ours it is time consuming for reasons of geographical distance rather than welfare work to be done. For example, I visited a sister yesterday, one of my assigned visiting teachees, and it took four hours! I started out on my way there at 10:20 AM (for an 11:00 AM appointment), made a stop at the bank (combining errands), then began down the country highway towards her town. After about 5 minutes I realized that I'd forgotten my Ensign and scriptures, as well as her new "prophet" manual, so I turned around and went back for them. I ended up almost 20 minutes late to our appointment. She is a wonderful woman, struggling with a mentally handicapped daughter, a stretched to the limit in his work as a surgeon husband, and loneliness in our little branch. They moved here from Price, Utah, where she had many friends and was visited regularly by her visiting and home teachers. She told me that in the five years they've been here home teachers have visited maybe three times; and she's not had any visits from visiting teachers. I listened to her for almost two hours. She just needed someone to talk to! I know the feeling. I get really lonely too and in the over two years we've lived here I've NEVER been visited by anyone from the Relief Society. Anyway, after visiting her I stopped at the store (combining errands again) and then drove home. Four hours had gone by! And that was just one visit, we have over ninety sisters in our branch. Attendance at RS on Sunday is usually four to six sisters.

As I've pondered and prayed about how to reach the sisters and help them, beyond the stupor of thought that persisted for a week, the thought keeps pressing on my heart and mind that I need to continue teaching and training the sisters in visiting teaching so that it becomes the norm and is effective. The previous RS President encouraged the sisters to simply send a card and that counted as a visit. She went so far as to instruct my visiting teacher to NOT visit me because it was "not safe." When my visiting teacher told me that I was stunned and absolutely incredulous. I live in a quiet rural town, I am a stay at home mom, and have never felt unsafe here.

I've been blessed with many revelations for this calling, from who should be my counselors, to what to put up on the bulletin boards, to what to teach. It has been a great oppotunity and blessing to me. But it sure doesn't leave much time for blogging.

General Conference Teachings in Action

Noble called yesterday saying that all the bad luck she had avoided on Friday the 13th had caught up to her on Saturday and she'd had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.* We talked and she expressed how lonely she was (me too) and I expressed my love for her and my confidence in her abilities. I gave her some motherly advice and by the end of the call she was sounding happier and more her confident self.

What I realized is that I've been neglecting her, and thought of what Elder David F. Evans said in conference:

"We can write of Christ by writing letters to those who are away. Missionaries serving, sons or daughters in the military, and those we love are all blessed by letters we write. Letters from home are not just quick e-mails. Real letters provide something tangible that can be held, thought about, and cherished."

I repented and sent her a hand written card today, and will send another, and another, and as many as she needs to help her get through this demanding language course. I love her and want to show her by my actions as well as words over the phone or in an email.

*From one of our favorite children's books by Judith Viorst; our copy has been taped together more than once.