Holy Place, Sacred Space

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday morning session of the April 2003 conference.

For years I've been saying that I want to write a book about teaching children reverence. In 2012 I wrote a blog post on that subject. I feel like the need for parental instruction has only gotten more acute as the years go by, and fewer parents understand how to teach their children to be and feel reverent. Well, I'll get to writing that book someday soon. In the meantime, I enjoyed the counsel from Elder Dennis B. Neuenschwander. "Our ability to seek, recognize, and reverence the holy above the profane, and the sacred above the secular, defines our spirituality."

Learning reverence for things holy and sacred begins in the home during the spiritual times such as prayer, Family Home Evening, visits from ministering brethren (I miss the Home Teaching visits), visits from missionaries, watching General Conference, and such. Whatever behavior is tolerated at home during these times will be displayed at church during similar activities.

Elder Neuenschwander reminds us:

Holy places have always been essential to the proper worship of God. For Latter-day Saints, such holy places include venues of historic significance, our homes, sacrament meetings, and temples. Much of what we reverence, and what we teach our children to reverence as holy and sacred, is reflected in these places. The faith and reverence associated with them and the respect we have for what transpires or has transpired in them make them holy. The importance of holy places and sacred space in our worship can hardly be overestimated.

When I talk to parents of young children I remind them that reverence is best learned at home with lots and lots of practice so that the behaviors become automatic when in serious, sacred and holy places and times. (Weddings, funerals, flag ceremonies, sacrament meetings, concerts, ballet performances, or other serious events.) Feeling the Spirit takes practice, and lots of it. Children learn by having sacred experiences at home, first learning the behaviors that invite the spirit and then the good feelings that come from receiving the spirit.

The words sacred and sacrifice come from the same root. One may not have the sacred without first sacrificing something for it. There can be no sacredness without personal sacrifice. Sacrifice sanctifies the sacred. . . . The establishment of our homes as holy places reflects the depths of sacrifice we are willing to make for them.

This talk was given a year and a half after the 9/11 attacks, during the war on terror when the world was in turmoil and people were fearful. There were many talks (always, it seems) that mentioned the perilous times. Elder Neuenschwander ended with this wonderful invitation:

In holy places and in sacred spaces we find spiritual refuge, renewal, hope, and peace. Are these not worth every necessary personal sacrifice? My brethren and sisters, may each of us revere and respect the holy and sacred in our lives. May we teach our children likewise. Let us all stand in holy and sacred places of spiritual peace. 

 

 

 

 

 

Righteous Traditions

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday afternoon session of the October 2000 conference.

When most of our children were teenagers I asked them if they could tell what was most important to me. They answered almost in unison, "The Gospel." (In voices that also said, "Duh, what a dumb question.") I was surprised and pleased at the same time. And I realized that my efforts were working.

Elder Donald L. Hallstrom of the Seventy said

Of all the traditions we should cultivate within ourselves and our families, a "tradition of righteousness" should be preeminent. Hallmarks of this tradition are an unwavering love for God and His Only Begotten Son, respect for prophets and priesthood power, a constant seeking of the Holy Spirit, and the discipline of discipleship which transforms believing into doing. A tradition of righteousness sets a pattern for living which draws children closer to parents, and both to God, and elevates obedience from a burden to a blessing.

While some of our children have strayed from the Gospel Path, I know that they had a strong foundation while growing up, and that they feel loved, accepted, and encouraged in their (righteous) endeavors now. I am hopeful that someday they will feel the pull of the Savior's love and return to the righteous traditions of the Gospel and their family.

Noble (oldest) & Me

Me with (next oldest) Lt. Lehi and his wife Miss Pasta

JET (middle child) and Me

Me and Mr. Movie (fourth in line)

Me and Dandylion (baby of the family)

Some other posts where I share how I taught my children:

Reverence, Family Home Evening, Nineteen Year Training Program

(Yes, I'm the shrimp of the family. I'm 5'7", Noble is 5'9", the boys range from 6'2" to 6'4".)

Another Lesson from Parenting

Children want privileges. As much or more than they want food sometimes. They will whine and beg, plead and cajole, make promises they won’t keep, anything, to get what they want. Our response while raising our children was, “Responsibilities before privileges. If you want something you have to show us that you are responsible and worthy of it.” They rarely liked being told that. We attempted to be as consistent as we could (being mere mortals) in applying that. All five of our children are now adults and we think they understand it. At least they show signs of understanding it most of the time (they have joined the ranks of us “mere mortal” adults).

I thought about how we raised our children as I read a few reports of the March of the Vulgar Females in Washington DC. They appeared to me to be quite childish in their understanding of how the world works. They want “rights” without talking about and taking on responsibilities. Privileges without first working for them. Marching and screaming don’t qualify as working for them. That’s more like having a temper tantrum.

I wanted to say to those females, as I often did to our children, show me! Show me that you have done everything you could to prove that you are mature, and able to handle the privilege you are requesting. What was truly weird to me is that I wasn’t really sure what they wanted. I mean, in the United States of America, what rights do adult males have that adult females don’t? Can someone please enlighten me? And if they were simply protesting the election of a new president, why the vulgarity? Why lower themselves to such a level and expect to be taken serious?

Those women certainly don’t represent me. I’m quite content to be a wife, mother, and homemaker; contributing to the greater good by raising civilized, productive citizens. I like being a woman, married to a man, joined together in making life easier and happier for each other. I like being a mother, at home where it matters in the lives of children; being there for them at the crossroads of life. They ALL call me to check in (I call it plugging in) with Mom, ask for advice, share what they are doing, and thank me for all I did and do for them. I love them more than I can express. I have learned so very much from them!

Which brings me to my last point. As I was contemplating all this I felt the Spirit whisper to me that responsibilities before privileges is an eternal principle. We are expected to show faith through our actions before blessings arrive. We can't just pray a laundry list of requests and expect God to wave a magic wand granting us all we wish for. We have to work and prove ourselves trustworthy and faithful.

I love learning. Especially eternal principles through parenting. God, Our Heavenly Father is our parent, we are the children, learning to become like Him. It’s a good feeling to know I’m on the right path.

Vitamin N

From Money Secrets of the Amish by Lorilee Craker:

Many times it boils down to just saying the magic word: no. Our kids truly are indulged, because for whatever emotional and psychological reasons (that would fill up another book), Gen X parents don't want to cause their children a moment's discomfort. And saying no to what they want is uncomfortable.

[Amish] Bishop Jacob, a sage grampop of fifty-six grandchildren, some whose names he's not even sure about ("Sometimes you have to think once or twice," he admitted) gave me the bottom line: "Say no to your children, because it's chust not good for them if you never say no," he told me. "They'll never learn, later in life, that they can't always get what they want." 

 

 

Parental Lessons

Our son JET has begun to attend church again after several years of "vacation". I was wondering, out loud, to my husband about why this change in attitude. What actually came out of my mouth was a profound lesson to me. I said something like "I think that my showing interest in the things that are important to him, like going to the car show and getting excited about cars in general helped him know that I love him for who he is; and when he felt safe in my love he decided that he could return to church." JET has long felt that he didn't measure up to the spiritual stature of his older brother, and that I loved him less because of that. NOT TRUE! But maybe now he really does feel I love him for himself, which is totally true, and therefore he can return to church. Whatever the reason, I'm pleased, but I don't love him more, because I never loved him less.

It gives me a glimpse into the heart of Heavenly Father and the Savior.

Random Thoughts

1 July 2012 - I don't think our Heavenly Parents grieve when we depart our heavenly home to come to mortality; rather they rejoice that we are ready to progress and learn the lessons which we would not be able to learn if we had stayed at home. That is how I feel as my children reach adulthood and leave home. I rejoice that I can let go and see them progress.

From the little notebook I take to church to record thoughts and impressions as I sit through three hours of meetings.

Lessons I Learned Too Late to Do Me Any Good, But Might Help My Children

Some time ago I began a list of lessons I wish I had learned and understood thirty or even forty years ago. I love my parents and am grateful they taught me the gospel, but there are some other things that I wish they'd taught me too. For the benefit of my adult children who are currently looking for companions here is my list, to date, of those lessons. (Not in any order other than as I thought of them and recorded them in my journal over the past few years.)

1. Work together at home. For example: when you finish a meal together, get up and clean up together; as you make this a family habit there won't be arguments about whose "turn" it is. If you eat, you help clean up and many hands make light work.

2. If you want your spouse to help with anything, express your expectations clearly, then don't criticize their methods. Praise the outcome and express gratitude.

3. Debt destroys your future--avoid it like the plague. Sacrifice now to be free later.

4. Experiences are more important than things; and some things are more important than others.

5. If you're a good listener, learn to be a talker; If you're a talker, learn to be a listener.

6. It takes faith, not time or money, to bear and rear children.

7. The cost of breaking the law of chastity is too high to be worth any momentary pleasure.

8. We reap what we sow. In everything.

9. Practice healthy habits from the beginning; help each other to stay slim, trim and vigorous from the start. Reward each other with service, notes, a flower, etc. rather than with unhealthy and fattening treats. Be active and work or play together rather than sitting and watching together.

10. Marry someone who inspires and encourages your best self, one who makes keeping your covenants and the commandments easier, not harder.

11. Don't marry someone who has an addiction of any kind, because often one leads to another.
   a. Word of Wisdom, including or maybe I should say especially caffeine
   b. Technology
   c.  Debt
   d.  Pornography
   e.  Cars (or other idols)
   f.  Sports
   g. Entertainment (TV)

12. Marry someone whose faith and faithfulness to it are the same as yours.

How can you learn these things about a potential spouse? Spend lots of time together in non-entertainment venues such as church or community service, work projects, family gatherings, and such. Marriage is not one long entertaining date; it is daily life with all the drudgery and non-exciting work that goes with it. You can talk about these things, but I've also learned that talk is cheap and actions speak louder than words. I guess that is number 13.

Whisperings of the Spirit and the Nineteen Year Training Program

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a frazzled mother of young children who was done in by the endless needs of her children and household. In her mind she thought "I wish my children would quit interrupting my work." And into her heart came the still small voice saying "Your children ARE your work," which changed the heart of the mother of young children by helping her to remember that she had chosen this work in the beginning.

I think it was about that time my husband and I were inspired with the idea of a "nineteen year training program." In other words, we had about nineteen years to teach and train our children to become self-sufficient (enough) adults to leave home.

Training has included dress and grooming, chores, finances, spirituality, morality, talents, service, work, education and culture. Whenever our patience is wearing thin we remind each other that this offending party child has not yet completed the training program so we should forgive and be more patient.

We have three adult children now, all living more or less successfully away from home. Two are faithful to the gospel, one struggles with worldliness. We love all of them. They are self-sufficient, loving, good natured, intelligent, serving, caring individuals. We have good relationships with all three. It is great to see the products of our "nineteen year training program."

Through the years I've had many "whisperings of the spirit" come into my heart to guide me and comfort me in my chosen profession. I once wrote in my journal that I hope that worth is calculated differently in heaven and that those who choose to be stay at home moms will be honored beyond all the other mothers who chose worldly honors and achievements. I'm mostly anonymous, no one other than my children asks for my advice and counsel, no one interviews me about my achievements or aspirations, and hardly anybody, outside of my family and closest friends will know or care when I die. Over the years, though, I've learned that it doesn't matter, because I matter to the one who matters most to me. My Savior and my Heavenly Father. If I can please them, and live up to their expectations and trust of me, then my life will have been worth living.

I often tell my children, I'm teaching you this (whatever gospel principle I'm teaching at the moment) so you can never use the excuse, "My mom never taught me." You will be free to choose the way you want to live once you leave our home, but you will never be able to say "My mom never taught me ______." I have done my best to teach you because I don't want to have to stand before the judgement bar and feel ashamed that I didn't do my very best to teach you the gospel and how to return to our Father in Heaven.

So many struggle with the decision of whether to have a career or family. For what it's worth I'll give some counsel, the same I give my own children, especially my daughter.

This mortal life is short, in eternal time, and we only get one shot at it, there aren't any do overs. So when making a decision of any importance look at what is eternally valuable or important.

How can any worldly career compare with the bringing of spirits to this earth for their turn to experience mortality. Being a mother earlier rather than later is better because having babies is a young people's sport. Just ask any forty year old mother of an infant. But later is better than not at all. After all I didn't get married until I was thirty, so I missed out on about ten years of child bearing. I just never wanted to live with regrets for not starting right away in our marriage to begin our family. 

The full rewards of parenting are few and far between and sometimes long in coming, sometimes taking as long as nineteen or twenty years! But I have found them sweeter and more valuable than any earthly plaudits because of their eternal significance.

May you find joy in your journey through mortality and the great responsibility of parenthood.

Make More Happy Memories

That's the advice my older sister D gave me when I asked her what she'd do differently raising her family of seven children. Make more happy memories.

As I read Annette's post over on Chocolate on My Cranium I thought of a few of my happiest memories and wondered if my children remember too.

Boys, do you remember playing beauty parlor and putting make-up on Mom and barrettes in her hair? I wish I had pictures! The attention and pampering was better than any $100 an hour spa.

Chuns, do you remember suppers of muffins and popcorn watching Disney videos? And Saturday homemade pizza nights?

Do you remember the trip to the Hill Cumorah Pageant and swimming in the hotel pool? What about Camp Joseph in Sharon, Vermont? Remember the Milky Way! And hiking the mountain?

Boys, do you remember reading our way through the Ralph Moody, Little Britches series?

Noble, do you remember the fashion shows, and Halloween costumes, especially the purple hair?

Do you all remember the Symphony concerts in the Provo Tabernacle? I cried when I heard that it burned down, and I cried again when I heard it would be rebuilt as a temple!

Remember playing on the GIANT in the park in Washington DC?

Remember our first Family Pajama Game Night?

I'm really thankful for an older sister who I call The Pioneer for going before me and blazing the trail. Because of her I learned early to savor moments, make happy memories and enjoy each stage of raising children. We homeschooled our children for fourteen years so I spent A LOT of time with them. And I've found that to be one of our biggest blessing because as they mature they become our best friends. Our adult children still call regularly to "plug in" to the Mom and tell me all their joys and sorrows.

Families are Forever! I can't think of a more important concept to guide us through our journey of mortality. Spend time with your chuns, make more happy memories, never stop teaching them the gospel and showing them the Savior's love through your love.

Sixteen Years? How Can That Be?

Dr. Hair - The Birthday Boy

He got a pile of books . . .

. . . and his very own tools.

Look at all that loot.

Guess who the shrimp of the family is?

Update: After TopDad read this he asked why I had put it here instead of my other blog. I told him that we're celebrating The Family: A Proclamation to the World and what better way to celebrate family than a family celebration! (If that makes sense to anyone but me)

What I've Done During 20 Years of FHE

A dozen years ago we moved into a new ward and I was called to serve on the Relief Society Enrichment Committee. I attended the first meeting (held in my home so I could put my children to bed and attend the meeting) and found out that one of my duties was publicity for the activities--I was supposed to make posters and flyers advertising our activities. I think I said something like "Well, I'll do my best, I'm not very artistic." The committee laughed and expressed their faith in me. As the days went by I was astonished to be the recipient of ideas flooding my mind. I know they came from the Lord because I had very little artistic ability or flair for crafting. The posters and flyers were wonderful and I got many compliments, but I gave credit where it was due, the Lord inspired me and I just put it together.

Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.                          The Family: A Proclamation to the World

In our callings as Father and Mother we are entitled to inspiration regarding our stewardship of home and family including Family Home Evening. Before you look online for someone else's inspiration, listen to the still small voice and learn to recognize the ideas flooding your mind because they will be tailor made for your circumstances and come at just the right time.

I've never identified with the remarks about FHE being the only arguments that begin and end with prayer. We didn't experience that in our home. Yes there were times when the Spirit fled and we had to work hard to get it back, but I don't recall (correct me if I'm wrong, chuns) ending an evening without the Spirit. The most important aspect of FHE is that it be consistently held, regularly, ongoingly, despite difficulties. As Winston Churchill said "Never, never, never, never give up." And as Elder Bednar said

Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.

Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson—a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time.

So here are some of the practices we have used over the years to make FHE part of our lives.

First I like to choose a theme for the year. The youth have a Mutual theme for the year and I figured that having a theme would give us a focus and a way to structure our lesson planning. We've used the Articles of Faith, the Primary annual theme, My Gospel Standards, the Scout Law, Standing for Something by President Hinckley, Commandments, and Modern Prophets; as well there have been years when we just chose lessons randomly because I didn't come up with a good theme.

I put together a chart so we could rotate assignments. This didn't work exactly like I wanted, because few bothered to check their assignments, but I kept it up so that we'd be reminded to be responsible.

One of the things we wanted our children to learn in FHE was how to conduct a meeting in a dignified manner, and all that went into being prepared to conduct. I made a "conducting sheet" and the person in charge was supposed to fill it out for their week. I had to help lots, but they eventually got the idea. I kept these sheets in a three ring binder divided by month.

Another thing I did was to put up signs all over the house on Monday to remind everyone to attend.

We bought an oak two drawer file specifically to house all our FHE materials. For years we used this as an end table in our living room, where we conducted our FHE's. Now it is used as a pedestal for our computer desk, still accessible to our living room. In the top drawer are the hanging files of church art work, supplies, and topic folders; in the bottom drawer is everything that won't fit in the top, too big, bulky or whatever.

It is only the last two years that we haven't had a piano (which is a sob story for another time) but until two years ago I played the music for our FHE's and I've always said that I play just good enough for that and nothing else. My family is very forgiving of my poor playing, for which I'm grateful. Anyway, we now use the Hymns on CD which makes us sound much better. I truly believe that music is one of the best invitations to the Spirit and we can't go wrong using it, no matter how poor we think we sound. After the Lord said "A song of the heart is a prayer unto me" not a song of the voice!

Those are some of the mechanics, the physical elements to our FHE; now I'd like to share a spiritual element.

For many years we homeschooled our children so I knew what they were doing and what they were learning and could observe their personal interactions daily. I watched and tailored our lessons to what their needs were (we had lots of lessons about manners and kindness!). Now that we only have two at home and they are both at public school I have to use more power of discernment to understand what they need, but it's just a matter of being prayerful and listening to the Spirit. What I find to be just amazing is how well what is in the church magazines fits with what our family needs. And really, no matter what our theme has been over the years I've found great stories, crafts, talks, and articles in The Friend, The New Era and the Ensign every month. These are resources no home should be without.

My testimony of FHE has deepened over time, and while we aren't perfect (is anybody?) the effort to be consistent has paid dividends through the years as blessings multiply and our family has strong bonds of love forged link by link in each Family Home Evening we held.

Line upon line, precept upon precept

I'm teaching Seminary again this year to just our two sons, which is a lot like homeschooling: We do things a bit differently. I don't follow the "song and dance" routines outlined in the Teacher's manual, opting rather for a more exegesistic approach (critical explanation or interpretation of a text, esp. of scripture). Years ago I came upon that word in a book about homeschooling, by the way, and had to look it up. Very good word.

We open with a song, prayer and thought. Pretty regular there. Then we read what the student manual says about the chapter we're going to read; usually the manual, designed for home study students, asks you to look for something as you read. So we do. Then we discuss it and answer the questions in the manual looking for the subtle clues that show a larger picture.

Reading just one or two chapters each morning and talking (or thinking and writing) about the doctrines and principles in them is a good way to receive personal revelation line upon line and precept upon precept. You truly do get a little here and a little there, nuggets to build with. Build your testimony, your knowledge, your understanding.

We are studying the New Testament, of which the Gospels are my favorites, and the blessings of modern technology in the form of Bible Videos available on demand in the internet is huge. Talk about bringing the scriptures to life!

May we study the scriptures "Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ." Ephesians 4:13

Teaching Reverence Begins at Home

One of my favorite "parental paydays" came at a concert of The Orchestra at Temple Square in about 2006. We took our five children, ages 16, 14, 12, 9 and 7, the oldest a girl with her four brothers. We were excited to be at that concert because the conductor, Igor Gruppman, was a member of our Provo, UT ward, and one of the violinists, Heather Rust, was our youngest son's violin teacher. At the intermission we stood to stretch and relax; I turned around to look at the size of the audience and the woman behind us said, "You have the best behaved children I have ever seen. I'm amazed at how quiet and attentive they are."

Their behavior that night was not by chance. I, and to a lesser degree my husband, had been teaching them proper behavior since they were born. I'll share what we've done in the hopes that you'll learn and share with others so that we may all be a more reverent people.

Training our children wasn't a regimented science, but incorporated into our living as naturally as I could. It began with reading to our children as babies. I'd sit on the couch with a picture book or simple story and just read it or talk about the pictures. They would often squirm and fuss, but I held them and repeatedly engaged them by pointing out interesting things in the pictures or asking questions. A six month old can sit still and listen for a few minutes and as the baby's age increases so does their attention span. Alternating with reading I'd put on classical music and we'd sit quietly listening to the music. By eighteen months, when they are old enough for Nursery, they are able to sit and listen to a short lesson, sing songs and participate in a group setting.

I began having Family Home Evening when our oldest, Noble, was about three and Elder PW was about 18 months. I had an ulterior motive for doing so; my husband was not a member and I wanted to teach him some of the gospel basics. So I asked if we could have FHE and would he help with the children. He agreed. My motivation for beginning was also something I read in Raising Up A Family to the Lord by Elder Gene R. Cook of the Seventy. He quotes Elder A. Theodore Tuttle:

How would you pass the test, parents, if your family was isolated from the Church and you had to supply all religious training? Have you become so dependent on others that you do little or nothing at home? Tell me, how much of the gospel would your children know, if all they knew is what they had been taught at home? Ponder that. I repeat, how much of the gospel would your children know if all they knew is what they had been taught at home? Remember, the Church exists to help the home. Parents, the divine charge to teach has never been changed. Do not abdicate your duty.
Here is the complete text of that General Conference Address in 1979.

We would hold the children on our laps and proceed through the song, prayer, short lesson, then have a fun activity and treat. Simple, probably fifteen minutes, but they were learning to sit, listen and feel in a reverent, spiritual way.

This continued with the subsequent children, three more boys, as well.

Additionally, we used mealtimes to teach reverent behavior. We all sat at the table; we offered a blessing on the food; we taught and practiced good table manners consistently. I set the table with a cloth, china (as opposed to plastic) plates, glass glasses, and cloth napkins.  I did this because I wanted my children to grow up knowing how to use these things. And in a college Cultural Anthropology class I saw a film about an indigenous tribe that allowed their toddlers to use machetes to crack open nuts because they believe their children to be capable of learning how to use adult tools without injury. I was impressed with that philosophy and adapted it to my table settings.

My husband was an active duty Marine and we lived in the Washington DC area so we taught our children about proper respect for the flag, and being respectful on our visits to National Monuments, cemeteries, museums, and such. Much of the time I was paying more attention to our children and correcting their behavior than I was to the place we were visiting. It was tiring and hard work, but I wanted to train my children young so that I could confidently take them anywhere as they grew up!

When we moved to Provo for my husband to attend BYU, I found out about the Utah Valley Symphony and purchased a family season ticket. This was the next step in training. The Symphony performed in the  historic Provo Tabernacle, which was the same building in which we attended Stake Conference. I insisted that we all dress in "date clothes", which meant dresses for girls, and slacks and button down shirts for the boys. This was to help them feel the dignity of the occasion. I was silently disgusted at the many who showed up in worn out jeans and t-shirts, but I kept up with mine in their date clothes. They protested and I insisted. They also HAD to go, there wasn't a choice. I made it as fun as I could with a stop for ice cream at the BYU Creamery on Ninth.

All of this was taking place outside of church. Remember reverent behavior is taught at home!

Now for what we did at church to reinforce what we taught at home.

With babies: we did not allow them to crawl around the floor or wander down the aisle and up onto the stand, etc. They sat on our laps or on the bench; standing on the bench was allowed if the person behind was mature and not encouraging our babies to be noisy. When we had three children I asked my (non-member) husband to attend Sacrament Meeting with me as I had only two hands and three children. He did so and we made it through. After he joined the church he struggled with staying active and there were many months and years when I attended alone with all five children.

We kept the "entertainment" to a minimum in Sacrament Meetings. I brought water and some non-sugary cereal or crackers for toddlers but if a child is old enough for Primary, he/she is old enough to get through the meeting without eating. I brought a sport top bottle of water for anyone who thought they needed a drink, thus keeping them in the meeting. Anyone past potty training, was taken to the bathroom before the meeting and not allowed to go during. You get to know your children and can discern their needs. We have one who we could believe when he said "I need to go."  I also taught and insisted on the children cleaning any mess we made. I encouraged them to live the things they learned in scouting--leave a place better than you find it. This was also something that TopDad imparted from his Marine Corps training.

I had three or four SILENT toys that stayed in the Sunday bag for babies to play with. I rotated a few books that could be looked at. For children between three and eight I had paper and pencil to draw or write with. After baptism they were expected to listen to the talks and pay attention. Were they perfect. Oh heavens no. Are you kidding? But, children rise to the level of expectation and I could and still can control their behavior in church with just a look or touch to the shoulder or knee. They know what is expected and they do their best to behave.

The most effective book I ever had was a Reverence Book I made for them. It is a small photo album that I have filled with artwork depicting events from the Savior's life. On the right side is the picture and on the left is the scripture that tells the event.

I began with a dozen or so pictures and scriptures and have added more over the years. When my sister was cleaning out her stuff she sent me postcards of the Arnold Friberg Book of Mormon artwork and I added those.  This is a book that even helps me to keep my mind focused during the Sacrament service. I highly recommend making a simple book of the Savior. There are plenty of pictures available even if you just cut up old church magazines or pamphlets. If you ever get to BYU, go to the bookstore and there you will find a treasure trove of artwork for your reverence book.

By the time our children reach the teenage years they know how to behave, not that they always want to, but they know how to. We sit together as a family, I keep poking the boys to keep them awake, cell-phones are off and in the pocket (actually that's been a problem for only JET who has a phone, the younger two don't have their own yet), and they know to get out the hymn book and sing. I totally embarrassed one son by taking a hymn book to him as he sat at the Sacrament Table but wasn't singing. After that he made a point of holding the book high enough for me to see that he was participating in the hymn. It only takes once!

I love my children and all of this training has paid off; I feel confident of their ability to feel and recognize spiritual feelings because they know how to be reverent, that is still, quiet and respectful, whether they are in Sacrament Meeting, at a concert, at a cemetery, or any other solemn occasion. My heart swells with pleasure when I'm complimented on their behavior and maturity. I shed tears of joy and gratitude when they themselves thank me for all I have taught them. (That's the two oldest who are adults and gone from home) When they were younger and we lived in Virginia we even had people pay for our dinner at restaurants because they were so impressed with our children! Now that's a payday!

I believe the keys are to practice at home, be consistent, have high expectations and endure to the end.

Our daughter was a nanny to three children, two were four year old twins, boy and girl. She came home after the first day and said "I'm so thankful you were my mother. You raised us right." She was aghast that this family, members of our ward, didn't have any books in their home, and these four year olds didn't know how to sit still. (They were terrors at church and the dad spent most of his time out in the hall, where he let them run wild anyway.) After working with those children for four months they had improved slightly, but what a struggle. This was interesting to me--Noble was not allowed to let the children watch movies or TV, she had to play with them, read to them, etc. She'd come home exhausted; and then tell me about how the parents would come home and immediately turn on a movie for the children to watch so they wouldn't have to deal with them (the children) after a tiring day at work. Noble could see exactly why those children were the way they were. Absolutely no training.  She thanked me over and over for all the work I had done to train her and her brothers.

If it sounds like I'm tooting my own horn, I am, no one else will! Raising children is hard work, but it is the most important work we can do in this life. Plus, I have learned more about my Heavenly Father from being a parent than any other way, thing or lesson.

One final note. General Conference is coming up. We began when the children were small to attend General Conference. It drove TopDad crazy to try to keep them quiet and occupied for two hours at a time. I never gave up! If you want your teens to enjoy General Conference you need to begin when they are little children; or as soon as you join the church or come back into activity. Begin today! We were so grateful when we could get conference on cable TV, I'd call on the Monday before conference and sign up for the service and then the Monday after conference I'd call them to disconnect. After a few times they got to know me and it was no big deal. I'd cook special meals and treats for Conference weekend so it was a spiritual and physical feast. I used all the helps from The Friend magazine to get the children engaged with the speakers. They could play silently with Legos or similar, but once they reached twelve they had to listen and take notes. Extra treats were given for notes taken. After a few years of this expectation there are no more questions, they know what happens on Conference weekend. They even put in orders for special foods. It is a joyful time and we look forward to seeing our children establish these habits in their own families in the coming years.

Start now! Have high expectations (like Heavenly Father has for us)! Persevere and Endure to the End!

P.S. If you happen to see a mother who is struggling alone, please help her by either sitting by her children or taking one of them to sit with you, instead of giving her dirty looks or making snide comments. She is probably doing the best she can and would appreciate a grandma/pa or aunt/uncle or cousin to help with the children. I know I went home in tears many times when I struggled alone with our five and would have kissed the feet of someone who helped me.