Teaching to Understand

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday morning session of the April 2012 General Conference.

My mom worked as a secretary at an adult night school until I was about eight or nine. We had dinner at 5:00 each night and then she would leave to go to work. My older siblings would clean up from dinner, and then at bedtime dad would put my younger brother and I to bed. He was never as gentle and kind as my mom. When I was eight or nine, the bishop counseled my parents that my mother should quit work and stay home as my older siblings were teens and needed her home more than we needed any money she was earning. My parents obeyed that counsel and she found other ways to bring in a little money to help the family budget.

Before I married I made sure that my husband knew that when I became a mother I'd stay home and raise our children. He didn't think we could make it on one income, but I assured him that I knew how to do it. I worked until about six weeks before our first child was born. Then again when she was 19 I took a job because my husband had lost his and we needed some income. Those two years I worked were some of the worst ever.

Sister Cheryl A. Esplin, Second Counselor in the Primary General Presidency, talked about teaching children to not only know the doctrine but, as we are instructed in Doctrine and Covenants 68:25, to understand the doctrine.

She tells a wonderful story of her daughter and granddaughter's experience with a teaching moment, then says, "These moments are spontaneous and unplanned and happen in the normal flow of family life. They come and go quickly, so we need to be alert and recognize a teaching moment when our children come to us with a question or worry, when they have problems getting along with siblings or friends, when they need to control their anger, when they make a mistake, or when they need to make a decision."

Because of a confluence of forces today there are very few stay-at-home mothers. Women are stretched to the breaking point with being a wife, mother, homemaker and breadwinner. Families allow or encourage their children to be in so many after school activities that there is little to no time for parents to pick up on those spontaneous and unplanned teaching moments. If they do recognize them, most are too tired and stressed to act upon them. 

I don't know what the answer is for each individual, that will require individuals, couples and families to study, ponder and pray about their situation; but I'm sure grateful my mother was obedient to the counsel to stay home.

Sister Esplin explains, "We can know our children are beginning to understand the doctrine when we see it revealed in their attitudes and actions without external threats or rewards. As our children learn to understand gospel doctrines, they become more self-reliant and more responsible. They become part of the solution to our family challenges and make a positive contribution to the environment of our home and the success of our family."

That sounds wonderful.   

Face the Future with Faith!

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday afternoon session of the April 2011 conference.

Elder Russell M. Nelson's address about faith is certainly timely in light of the condition of the world today. I'm so grateful for apostles and prophets (are they one and the same?). 

At the beginning of this year my sister asked me if I'd like to go on a trip to New England and Prince Edward Island in October. We made some plans but towards the end of the summer she confessed that she was fearful of social conditions and didn't want to go. We ended up going to Utah for a lovely week together. But we missed out on all the interesting historical sites in New England, and the life-long dream of seeing the place of Anne of Green Gables. Oh well. Maybe another time.

We live in a time of turmoil. Earthquakes and tsunamis weak devastation, governments collapse, economic stresses are severe, the family is under attack, and divorce rates are rising. We have great cause for concern. But we do not need to let our fears displace our faith. We can combat those fears by strengthening our faith.

We strengthen our faith by doing the things we learned in Primary: praying, studying the scriptures and words of modern prophets, participating in church meetings, worshipping in the temple, giving service to our fellow students in this mortal boarding school.

Elder Nelson encourages us to "start with your children." Teaching them by our words and actions to have faith in the Savior Jesus Christ, faith in God's plan of salvation, faith to keep all the commandments. 

Warn them that they will encounter people who pick which commandments they will keep and ignore others that they choose to break. I call this the cafeteria approach to obedience. This practice of picking and choosing will not work. It will lead to misery. To prepare to meet God, one keeps all of His commandments. It takes faith to obey them, and keeping His commandments will strengthen that faith.

I've learned as a parent that children pick up on any hypocrisy displayed by adults. They want to trust in parents and leaders whose actions match their words. This is also called integrity. We adults need to be the "do as I do" variety, not the "do as I say" kind. It's difficult and tiring, but it also gives us opportunities to teach about repentance and forgiveness as we confess our mistakes and press forward working on improving.

One commandment Elder Nelson mentions specifically is tithing.

To develop enduring faith, an enduring commitment to be a full-tithe payer is essential. Initially it takes faith to tithe. Then the tithe payer develops more faith to the point that tithing become a precious privilege. Tithing is an ancient law from God. He made a promise to His children that He would open "the windows of heaven, and pour out . . . a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." Not only that, tithing will keep your name enrolled among the people of God and protect you in "the day of vengeance and burning."

Interestingly, two days before he ended his life, our son received some money (I don't know what kind of payment it was) and he did two things: paid tithing and went to the grocery store. He didn't always attend church, but he always paid tithing. He had a firm testimony of the blessings from living that commandment. 

Elder Nelson asks, "Why do we need such resilient faith? Because difficult days are ahead. Rarely in the future will it be easy or popular to be a faithful Latter-day Saint. Each of us will be tested."

After our son died I wanted to quit life too, not seriously, but it just seemed too hard to keep going. Except that I knew I needed to pass my tests if I wanted to be with my son in an eternal family. No giving up allowed! Elder Nelson said, "You faithful Saints do not have to fight life's battles alone. Think of that! The Lord declared, 'I will contend with him that contented with thee, and I will save thy children.'" That promise keeps me going.

  

 

Living Without Fear

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday morning session of the October 2010 conference.

When I was a little girl my older brothers actively worked to frighten me by telling me about monsters, then, at night, sneaking outside to tap on my window. I was petrified of being alone in the dark. It wasn't until long into adulthood that I conquered my fears. I promised that I would never knowingly tease or teach my children to be fearful, or allow them to do that to each other.

We moved to Provo when our children were 13 to 4. Our boys were active in Cub Scouts and 11 year old Scouts. They had friends who were fearful of walking down the hill from their house to ours for Scout activities. They were terrified of being kidnapped. I incredulously asked, "In Provo? Two blocks from BYU?" (This is in 2002) I wondered where they had learned to be so afraid and chalked it up to being in public school where children are routinely traumatized by everything, from weather patterns to carbohydrates, being catastrophized into huge monsters to fear. Our children were homeschooled and I kept my promise to not teach them to be fearful.

I thought about all this as I studied Sister Rosemary M. Wixom's talk "Stay on the Path".  She said, "If they understand the plan and who they are, they will not fear." I love that! 

Heavenly Father doesn't want us to go through life afraid. He watches over us like the loving parent He is. We, who know the Plan, can teach and guide our children to see mortality as a place of learning and obedience, with wonderful opportunities to experience the glories of Heavenly Father's handiwork. 

The world will teach our children if we do not, and children are capable of learning all the world will teach them at a very young age. What we want them to know five years from now needs to be part of our conversation with them today. Teach them in every circumstance; let every dilemma, every consequence, every trial that they may face provide an opportunity to teach them how to hold on to gospel truths.

My children are all adults now but I still try to teach them through my example and words. I look for ways to praise them and encourage them as they travel the path I've already been down. I want my conscience to be clear that I've done the best I could to teach them.

Elder Renlund spoke of being fearful in the most recent conference. "It is not just children who may feel this way. The best advice for her, for you, and for me is to follow the Savior's teachings. His instructions are neither mysterious nor complex. When we follow them, we do not need to fear or be anxious."

We live in the most marvelous time of all mortality! We have the most amazing conveniences and technology! We have the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ with priesthood power restored, and temples dotting the land! This is not a time to be fearful, but to press forward with steadfast faith in Jesus Christ, preparing for His return in Glory. 

 

Doing A Great Work

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Priesthood session of the April 2009 conference.

"We live in an era of anticipation and preparation, entrusted by God to prepare ourselves, our families, our world for the approaching dawn--the day when the Son of God will 'descend from heaven with a should, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God' (I Thess. 4:16) and usher in His millennial reign."

So said then President Dieter F. Uchtdorf. This era stretches from Joseph Smith to Russell M. Nelson. As this is the last dispensation we (all who have lived or are living through it) are the ones to prepare for the Second Coming. 

"Our Heavenly Father seeks those who refuse to allow the trivial to hinder them in their pursuit of the eternal. He seeks those who will not allow the attraction of ease or the traps of the adversary to distract them from the work He has given them to perform. He seeks those whose actions conform to their words--those who say with conviction, 'I am doing a great work and cannot come down.' " 

In Relief Society there a long discussion about having time to study the gospel when "we are so busy from the time our feet hit the floor in the morning until our head hits the pillow at night." How are we to find the time? I didn't say much out loud, but in my head I was saying, "If you weren't so devoted to your careers/business/children's activities, etc., you'd have more time for the things of eternity. If you'd choose to stay home and actually be a wife, mother and homemaker, you'd have more time for the things of eternity." 

I loved what Elder D. Todd Christofferson said in the most recent conference, "One wise sister observed, 'I cannot think of a more profound way to worship God than to welcome His little ones into our lives and care for them and teach them His plan for them.' " What a profound observation! The things that the world tells us matter the most will matter the least in eternity, and conversely the things the world tells us matter the least will matter the most! But Satan has done a brilliant job distracting women from what matters most. The great work we are supposed to be doing is building the kingdom by welcoming children into our families, and rearing them in truth and righteousness. 

I wish I could have married at age 19 or 20 so I could have had five more children than I was able to. And I wish I could convince mothers to educate their children at home, avoiding satan's indoctrination centers. As hard as it was at the time I'm so grateful I was able to stay home to nurture and teach our children. I believe that the close relationships we enjoy now are the result of all the time we spent together when they were young.

My fondest hope is that in the economy of heaven motherhood will be the most important and honored "profession." It is certainly the greatest work I've ever done here, as well as the finest character builder ever devised.

"Mom, Are We Christians?"

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday afternoon session of the April 2007 conference.

I taught Primary for three years recently and began each year with spending a few minutes each Sunday teaching the children (they were 5-7 year olds, preparing for baptism) what I call "The Basics".

I'd start out asking "What is the name of our church?" The most common answer was "The Fairmont Branch". I'd then teach them the correct name of the church, and then ask, "Are we Christians?" Most children said, "No." Some of them emphatically! So I'd teach them the connection between the name of the church and who is the head of the church and who we worship. Then I'd ask "Who is the prophet and president of the church?" "Jesus!" They'd jubilantly proclaim. So I'd show them a photo of President Nelson and introduce them to the prophet. Then we'd learn the names of his counselors and what they looked like. We'd do this every week until all the children could give correct answers to all the questions. I wanted them to know without doubts that yes, we are Christians.

Elder Gary J. Coleman told of a 14 year old girl asking her mother, "Mom, are we Christians?" My heart went out to that girl and wondered how she'd gotten to be 14 without someone teaching her the connection between the name of the church, who is the head of the church, and who we worship. 

Elder Coleman tells his story of growing up in a devout Christian home having no question in his mind that they could define themselves as Christians. 

I think too many parents think their children will get it by osmosis rather than direct teaching in Family Home Evening. Feeling compassion for the children who weren't being taught at home guided my insistence on teaching them directly in Primary.

Elder Coleman bears his testimony saying, "As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you are a Christian, and I am too. I am a devout Christian who is exceedingly fortunate to have greater knowledge of the true "doctrine of Christ" since my conversion to the restored Church. These truths define this Church as having the fulness of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Like other members of the Church, I now understand the true nature of the Godhead, I have access to additional scripture and revelation, and I can partake of the blessings of priesthood authority."

I so love to hear conversion stories and testimonies. I grew up in the church and have known it is true since I was a little girl. Lately I have wondered if I hadn't been born in a covenant home would I have felt a lack and consequently searched for the truth? I hope I would have. I can't imagine life without the truths of the Gospel, or the hope of eternal life to come.

Do Not Fear

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday Morning session of the April 2004 conference.

I remember this session as being one of the best to date when I heard it. All of the talks were so inspired and uplifting. Trite, I know, but what other words describe the feelings of listening to prophetic counsel and admonition?

In 2004 our five children were ages 6 to 15. Now they are 25 to 34; three of our boys are married, and our daughter would sure like to be. Elder Boyd K. Packer's talk is as relevant today as when it was given. In fact, more so. 

Everywhere we go fathers and mothers worry about the future of their children in this very troubled world.

But then a feeling of assurance came over me. My fear of the future faded.

That guiding, comforting Spirit, with which we in the Church are so familiar, brought to my remembrance what I already knew. The fear of the future was gone. That bright-eyed, little two-year-old can have a good life--a very good life--and so can his children and his grandchildren, even though they will live in a world where there is much of wickedness.

 

I remember this talk when I look at my own grandchildren, and counsel my own children not to be afraid of bringing more children into the world. I remind them that when God gives a commandment, to be fruitful and multiply, He prepares a way for us to obey that commandment. "Do not be afraid to bring children into the world. We are under covenant to provide physical bodies so that spirits may enter mortality. Children are the future of the restored Church."

Elder Packer spoke of inoculation, and immunizing our children,

"If you will accept it in your mind and cradle it in your feelings, a knowledge of the restored gospel and a testimony of Jesus Christ can spiritually immunize your children." Then he spoke of arming our children, "This shield of faith is best fabricated in a cottage industry. While the shield can be polished in classes in the Church and in activities, it is meant to be handcrafted in the home and fitted to each individual." 

Another of Elder Packer's oft quoted statements is in this talk, "True doctrine, understood, changes attitudes and behavior. The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker that a study of behavior will improve behavior." This was my guiding principle when I was a Relief Society president and teaching the sisters the why and how of Visiting Teaching (2012-2015). It was important that they understand the doctrine of the practice, not just be told to do it. When they understood the why it was easier for them to act upon their knowledge and their testimonies grew. It was one of the best parts of my calling.

Not every child is obedient and most families have someone who has strayed. Elder Packer gives stern but kind and hopeful counsel to parents, "Remember the Atonement of Christ. Do not despair or count as forever lost those who have fallen to the temptations of Satan. They will, after the debt is paid to 'the uttermost farthing' and after the healing which attends complete repentance takes place, receive a salvation."

I know the Lord is more merciful than we can comprehend. I know He is more patient and loving than we deserve. I know He loves us more than words can express. He is the perfect parent, the perfect example for us as parents.

Uncle James and Conrad

 

 

 

Holy Place, Sacred Space

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Sunday morning session of the April 2003 conference.

For years I've been saying that I want to write a book about teaching children reverence. In 2012 I wrote a blog post on that subject. I feel like the need for parental instruction has only gotten more acute as the years go by, and fewer parents understand how to teach their children to be and feel reverent. Well, I'll get to writing that book someday soon. In the meantime, I enjoyed the counsel from Elder Dennis B. Neuenschwander. "Our ability to seek, recognize, and reverence the holy above the profane, and the sacred above the secular, defines our spirituality."

Learning reverence for things holy and sacred begins in the home during the spiritual times such as prayer, Family Home Evening, visits from ministering brethren (I miss the Home Teaching visits), visits from missionaries, watching General Conference, and such. Whatever behavior is tolerated at home during these times will be displayed at church during similar activities.

Elder Neuenschwander reminds us:

Holy places have always been essential to the proper worship of God. For Latter-day Saints, such holy places include venues of historic significance, our homes, sacrament meetings, and temples. Much of what we reverence, and what we teach our children to reverence as holy and sacred, is reflected in these places. The faith and reverence associated with them and the respect we have for what transpires or has transpired in them make them holy. The importance of holy places and sacred space in our worship can hardly be overestimated.

When I talk to parents of young children I remind them that reverence is best learned at home with lots and lots of practice so that the behaviors become automatic when in serious, sacred and holy places and times. (Weddings, funerals, flag ceremonies, sacrament meetings, concerts, ballet performances, or other serious events.) Feeling the Spirit takes practice, and lots of it. Children learn by having sacred experiences at home, first learning the behaviors that invite the spirit and then the good feelings that come from receiving the spirit.

The words sacred and sacrifice come from the same root. One may not have the sacred without first sacrificing something for it. There can be no sacredness without personal sacrifice. Sacrifice sanctifies the sacred. . . . The establishment of our homes as holy places reflects the depths of sacrifice we are willing to make for them.

This talk was given a year and a half after the 9/11 attacks, during the war on terror when the world was in turmoil and people were fearful. There were many talks (always, it seems) that mentioned the perilous times. Elder Neuenschwander ended with this wonderful invitation:

In holy places and in sacred spaces we find spiritual refuge, renewal, hope, and peace. Are these not worth every necessary personal sacrifice? My brethren and sisters, may each of us revere and respect the holy and sacred in our lives. May we teach our children likewise. Let us all stand in holy and sacred places of spiritual peace. 

 

 

 

 

 

Righteous Traditions

This post is part of the General Conference Odyssey. This week covers the Saturday afternoon session of the October 2000 conference.

When most of our children were teenagers I asked them if they could tell what was most important to me. They answered almost in unison, "The Gospel." (In voices that also said, "Duh, what a dumb question.") I was surprised and pleased at the same time. And I realized that my efforts were working.

Elder Donald L. Hallstrom of the Seventy said

Of all the traditions we should cultivate within ourselves and our families, a "tradition of righteousness" should be preeminent. Hallmarks of this tradition are an unwavering love for God and His Only Begotten Son, respect for prophets and priesthood power, a constant seeking of the Holy Spirit, and the discipline of discipleship which transforms believing into doing. A tradition of righteousness sets a pattern for living which draws children closer to parents, and both to God, and elevates obedience from a burden to a blessing.

While some of our children have strayed from the Gospel Path, I know that they had a strong foundation while growing up, and that they feel loved, accepted, and encouraged in their (righteous) endeavors now. I am hopeful that someday they will feel the pull of the Savior's love and return to the righteous traditions of the Gospel and their family.

Noble (oldest) & Me

Me with (next oldest) Lt. Lehi and his wife Miss Pasta

JET (middle child) and Me

Me and Mr. Movie (fourth in line)

Me and Dandylion (baby of the family)

Some other posts where I share how I taught my children:

Reverence, Family Home Evening, Nineteen Year Training Program

(Yes, I'm the shrimp of the family. I'm 5'7", Noble is 5'9", the boys range from 6'2" to 6'4".)

Lesson about Heavenly Father's Love for Me

Last Saturday morning as I was puttering in the kitchen I heard the front door open and someone walk in. I wasn't expecting anyone so I went to the living room to investigate. As I rounded the corner into the room there was JET with a huge bouquet of flowers. I had forgotten that he was coming over. My heart overflowed with love for him. He is tall, handsome and was offering me flowers! He even remembered my favorite colors and had his florist friend make a bouquet just for me.

All through the day as we visited I thought this must be how Heavenly Father feels about us. He loves us! With all the tender feelings of a parent. He may not approve of what we do and be disappointed because of our choices, but He loves us deeply, eternally, and unconditionally. He welcomes us with open arms whenever we approach him. He rejoices when we come home to Him. He must beam when we express gratitude, and must feel joy when we give Him a gift.